![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
Where have I been you ask? Oh, here and there, and a few other places. Quite busy. Quite busy. Things to do, places to go, people to see. There can't be any time wasted, it is precious and so it must all be used.
There are events to organize. I must spend a great deal of time making sure these things go smoothly. I am the one putting the things together, so I should be there for each and every step. The planning, the purchasing, the scheduling, the setting up, the directing, the tearing down and cleaning. I must be there and spend a big chunk of my time in each step. They are, after all, my events.
There are tasks to be done. We must shop, at least for necessities. Groceries don't buy themselves. And we must spend a little time planning what we are going to buy or we'll spend too much time shopping and make unwise decisions. And of course, there are the other little errands that seem to take over a whole afternoon. Bills to be paid, things to be picked up and more things to be returned. These things must get done in order for the home to run efficiently.
My smart and talented children love being active in particular activities. Can't leave them out of the schedule. I want them to experience life and have fun. So there are the weekly meetings, practices, performances, games, and competitions. They need time with their friends and doing things they enjoy, so off we go to do more shopping, visit the library, and do we have time for ice-cream...well of course.
There is volunteer work to do. Everyone must give a little time to do good in this world, and that leaves no exception for me. Will there be enough people volunteering to do what needs to be done? I better pitch in for more than my share just in case. Since it is only volunteer work, can I trust everyone else to do the best they can? I'm a little uneasy with this, so I will step up and do more.
Of course there is the workplace where I get paid for the time I give. A brilliant trade, time for money. But there is so much more I could do there to make it easier on others and myself. I'm sure I can find a little extra time to spend here, to be sure things are caught up and functioning correctly. I absolutely love the people I work with, and would love to be a blessing to them. I may be able to take on a few of their tasks and lighten their load.
My husband. What must be done for him? Let's see, there's laundry, an empty pitcher of sweet tea that must be refilled, a bed that must be made, shoes that must be found, listening....well I suppose I could take this time to mentally plan tomorrow....uh oh...what was that? I have no idea what he's talking about.
Ahhh. Finally. Time for me. Hot bubble bath, a good book, glass of wine, wait.....what? I've run out? When? Hours ago? How did that happen?
I've found myself in the eye of a tornado. A sudden frightening calm. Just a still moment to glance at the unstoppable chaos around me that I have created. But what should I stop doing that will settle this storm? What should I pull out of the disaster that will dissolve the swirling mess? There is nothing. All these things make me who I am. If I don't do what makes me who I am, then who am I? I will take this quiet moment in the still light to ponder and seek the wisdom of the only One that knows the answers.
Oops, forgot the coffee. I'll need that.
- Mood:
exhausted
When a person reaches the end of their life, I would imagine it would feel better to know you've been hurt but have had many friendships rather than not enjoying those relationships, but dying in the satisfaction that you protected yourself (which nobody can do anyway).
A bit of wisdom on relationships:
Whether the relationship is a romantic one or a friendship, hurt happens. It happens because you care for eachother. When they hurt, you hurt. When they mess up, you hurt, when they get new pretty shoes and a fancy car, you hurt. The wonderful thing about relationships is that you can grow with eachother with grace and forgiveness. If you try to work a relationship around being hurt, it will destroy it. In fact, it's not a relationship at all. You end up with many aquaintences you don't mind spending time with, if you're in the mood for them.
A bit of wisdom on Grace and Forgiveness:
If you bought the most fabulous pair of shoes, would you tuck them away in your closet to keep them from looking used or becoming worn? Not me. I'd wear them every chance I got. Our Father has given us the most awesome gifts of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. If we hide ourselves from having relationships that give us opportunity to use them, we rob those people of the same gift. We rob ourselves of the joy of giving it. We rob God of the opportunity to bless us for using them.
A person can exist in a bubble, they can survive, they can even complete the task God has sent them here to do. But where is the joy (the God kind of joy) in separating ourselves from those He's given us to love?
How often have we hurt other people? Our friends, our family, our kids? Should we have shucked those relationships to protect them from the harm we ourselves do? Or do we seek grace, mercy, forgiveness, and a closer relationship because of it. Can we expect them not to hurt us, even though we've undoubtedly caused them pain at some point?
I got in an arguement with husband the other day and didn't talk to him for a whole day. (That's the worst we've had.) He hurt me so much that I started to doubt how he felt about me. The funny part is that he had no idea he'd hurt me. Well, he couldn't take away the pain he'd caused, but he did appologize and after talking, I realized that what he had meant by what he did wasn't at all how I received it. We are much closer now and our communication is stronger. All through the bible there are examples of hurts that were turned into strengths, restored relationship with stronger foundations. We need to use the faith God gave us and step out and live the abundant life he came to give us.
Don't be scared to get involved with people. Know that they will let you down because they are people. You don't have to trust them, you have to trust God and use the gifts (aka tools) he's given you. You are his example on the earth of his love and forgiveness. How can people learn who the Father is in you if you push them away, or give them conditions to stay? This is not what God wants us to do, because it's not what He does. How often do we hurt him (that would be daily for me)? And how often does he forgive us? (pause to thank him, brb)
Accept people unconditionally, love them, forgive them, seventy times seven. This is impossible for man (and woman), but with God all things are possible. When you get to a point that forgiveness or love is not possible, ask him to give you his love and forgiveness for that person since you have none of your own (He will).
- Location:Work
- Mood:
thoughtful
A very wonderful and very distant friend introduced me to my friend in the photo. His name for now will simply be “Black Dog”. He belonged to Winston Churchill, but has been residing with my friend for a number of years. Black Dog recently paid me a visit and seemed to want to stay for a while; boy is he in for a surprise. Before confusion sets in, let me add that “Black Dog” is what Mr. Churchill called his depression. My very wonderful friend calls this “an incredibly apt metaphor”.Black Dog has a bad habit of wanting to be in control. He thinks he’s the boss, and he was for a while. He insisted that I gave him all my attention, listen to everything he said (he can talk), and even wanted me to stop doing the activities that I really love doing. It was then that I realized who he really was and that I had known him in the past. He had lived with me from my childhood all the way up to my early twenties. (Black Dog is a sly creature and will never reveal who he is at first.) Long years of rejection, abuse, and broken homes resulted in a very close relationship between Black Dog and me. He became my best friend. He was there for me, protected me, counseled me. The cost, though, was a sad and lonely existence in a dark empty place with no way out. But a way out found me! (The Bible says in John 14:6 that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.)
After recognizing my long lost friend (who I have no need for now), I decided to take control of the situation. Black Dog has certain characteristics that he likes to keep disguised. In wanting all my attention and wanting me to just be alone with him all the time, he stole my joy and my relationships with others which makes him a thief. By telling me who he thought I really was, he killed my dreams and my passion for life which makes him a murderer. His controlling nature disguised as protection destroyed six families in my life. God says in John 10:10 that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (It goes on to say that Jesus came that we may have life, and that we may have it more abundantly.) God showed me who Black Dog really is, and He showed me that Winston Churchill was right when he said that he is still, after all, only a dog.
- Location:Work
- Mood:
grateful - Music:None
This prayer came to me in an email...it is now my prayer.
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I am blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to You. Thank you for Your grace. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and a thankful heart and mind. Let me make the best of each and every day. Let my mind be clear so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind and make my heart receptive that I can accept all things from You. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Help me to give the best response when I am pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe, that Your light will shine for them to see the way to Your grace. I thank You that You change people and things and situations. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, in this world and in Christ. I also pray for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I place every battle in Your hands to fight. I pray that everyone that reads this will know that there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Amen.
- Location:Work
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:None
